Before I begin this post, I need to have a little disclaimer here saying that I am NOT engaged. I can't even tell you that it will happen any time soon, so don't get all excited just yet.... Also, we do not want to live together before getting married since we pretty much did that already. I don't disapprove of it at all. I just know that it doesn't work for us. Now that I've cleared that up, on with today's post.
Hi lovelies! Hope y'all are having a fabulous Tuesday! I feel the need to divulge this information because y'all are my friends, and I know people have been wondering about the status of mine and J's relationship. In the past couple of weeks, we have hit sort of a turning point in our relationship. It's been hard because we rarely get to see much of each other these days. It's definitely put a strain on the relationship. However, I think we both know it's going to go one way or the other. We both know we don't want to break up. We've tried that over the years, and it just doesn't work well. :) So what's next? Well, I think y'all know.....
I feel like it's my fault that we're not married yet. He's 32, I'm 25. I've had a bit of growing up to do in the past 7 years. I'm a completely different person than when we both met. He's changed too, but it hasn't been as drastic of a change. He had already gone through all the confusion of his early 20's. We both knew very early on that we wanted to get married. Am I thrilled that I didn't get married at 20 or 21? Oh lord yes! I am pretty certain that we would be divorced by now. My early 20's weren't pretty which resulted in us taking some time apart. Did we come back stronger from it? Absolutely. Am I ready for the next stage in my life? Yes I am. Am I scared about it? Why yes, I'm quite terrified which is one of the main reasons why there is no ring on my finger. This is why I need a girls weekend! This is why my mind has been jumbled for the past several weeks. This is why we almost broke up a few weeks ago. I'm not scared of being with him, I'm scared of my own self. I'm the most indecisive person you'll ever meet, and this is not the kind of thing you can be indecisive about AT ALL!
So there is my big secret! We're talking about it and discussing our entire relationship. The more we have these conversations, the more we are growing. It's been pretty nice! I just need to stop taking things the wrong way. Apparently, I don't take criticism very well. I'm working on it among other things.
It's not every day that we agree upon a song, but this is one we agree on! :)
One of the things we've discussed is how long of an engagement would we have. As you all know, I'm in school plus I work a crazy full-time job. So I have some questions for those of you who are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married.
1. I've heard wedding planning is pretty stressful. Have any of you had to juggle planning a wedding plus finishing school? If not, did you have anything else stressful going on in your life at the time? If so, how do/did you deal?
2. How long were you and your husband engaged?
3. If you're not currently engaged, would you want a short or long engagement?
These are just some questions I've had in the back of my mind. I need feedback from my fabulous blog friends while I try to find some clarity.
10 comments:
This is all so exciting! =)) I can answer some of your questions, or at least give you my perspective.
(1) Wedding planning was SO stressful for me, but I don't handle stress very well. AND my family is pretty nuts - planning a wedding and choosing not to invite certain family members caused quite a ruckus. I was working a full time job, my (now) hubby was finishing up school. It was so stressful for me and for everyone around me. I was put on anxiety medication...it was just a mess. I didn't "deal" with any of it. I quit my job and moved in with my parents, and got medicated. =) Haha, real mature, I know.
(2) We were engaged for 6 months. But we'd only "dated" for two weeks before getting engaged. So.. there's that. But it's VERY possible to plan a wedding in 6 months. Or less, even. =)
YAY! I'm so excited for you! =))
Great read, and I feel ya on the whole thing. I don't blame you for not wanting to live together but feeling like you should take some sort of next step. And with that said, here's my two cents.
1.) Well, Clay was in college when we got married, but I don't think that's the same. To me, I was more stressed that his mom, who was planning the wedding, would try to plan things later. She didn't. But, I didn't particularly want a big wedding anyway and even if I had planned it, it would not have been extremely hard or time consuming. We only had around 40 people, I think.
2.) 1 year. But, we dated for about 4-5 years before he popped the question.
3.) By the time he proposed, we both kinda knew we'd be getting married, so we didn't see much sense in waiting TOO long. I think a year was just long enough. I moved in with him three months before, but I don't really consider that we "lived together before marriage", because it was either that OR move in with my parents for two months OR move in *on my wedding weekend*.
Those questions are right up my alley since I am 60 days away from getting married! Matthew and I are young, but with having done long distance, we knew we were ready to get engaged and finally get married. We have been engaged for 13 months now, and by the time the wedding rolls around, it will have been 15 1/2 months. Every couple has their ups and downs, it's whats makes you and him unique. People say wedding planning is stressful, and it most certainly is. But it is by no means miserable. This is a once and a lifetime thing, so you have to do what you can to make the most of the engagement and the wedding planning. Remembering that it is your day is very important. Because it is your day, you make the decisions with your fiancé.
Next,
I think a year long engagement is the perfect amount of time to get engaged. within that year, you have so many things to get done. Pre-marital counseling is truly one of the best things. You don't have to be "super spiritual" to do it. Many people categorize it for only Christians, and that is false. With Pre-marital counseling, you are talking to someone who has studied "man and wife" in depth. He will give you questions that will make you think more than you ever have before, and you will know by the end of your pre-marital counseling if you are meant to be together by the reactions that each of you give to the questions that are asked.
Best of luck, but really. don't rush it! You only live ! once! Make sure you are making the right decision! :)
Sorry for the novel.
Our 8th wedding anniversary is just a couple of weeks away, so here's the POV of someone who's "been there, done that". :)
1. Wedding planning is only as stressful as you make it. If you have a pretty clear idea of what type of wedding you want, it should be fairly easy. Granted, I wasn't in school, but I was working full-time.
2. We were engaged for a year and ~three months. We had been together for 3 years before he proposed. When we got married, I was 23 and Brian was 28.
3. N/A. But I will say that the long engagement was nice. Gave more time to plan and let things fall into place.
I have a question for you, and feel free to ignore me if it's too personal, but you said that living together didn't work. Do you think being married & living together will be better/easier?
Kori - what an exciting time in your life! My boyfriend and I are both 21 years old and have been together for 7 years. I am in school and will graduate in a year and that's basically what we are waiting before. I do not want to plan a wedding while in school because it is a ton of work. I want to be able to enjoy planning and not find it stressful!
Also-- I am not currently engaged, but I would want my engagement to be around a year, little more or little less.
Do you mind me asking why living together didn't work?? I ask because my boyfriend and I are considering moving in together towards the end of this year.
I'd love to hear from you!
Chelsea
thepinkscribbler@gmail.com
We've been dealing with some of the same stuff the past few months and have finally worked through it. I know how hard it can be to be so indecisive but know that you ultimately want to be with someone! I hope your girls weekend is the refreshment you need... sometimes some downtime is exactly what the doctor ordered!
I'm not sure when we will be engaged because of job situations and what not (we are both graduating and need them!) but Stuart and I have discussed about a year long engagement. I'm a planner and super type-A and I know I am going to need some time to plan everything out and still have time to change my mind a little bit ;).
Good luck with everything and enjoy your girls weekend Cori!
I'm not currently engaged or even in a relationship, but after observing the engagements/wedding planning of some of my friends, I've definitely given all of this some thought. Long or short engagement? I think it depends on our relationship and where we are (geographically and emotionally). If we've only been dating a short while, we might go for a longer engagement. But if we've known each other awhile and been together longer, a shorter engagement might be OK. I also know that money will play a role since my parents have told me they can't offer much help in the financing of a wedding. That'll be up to me and him.
Talking about it is a huge step! I was engaged for under a year before I was married, but my wedding was only parents, siblings and grandparents and that was enough stress for me. I definitely did not want a long engagement - I think it would have added more stress haha. You have to do it when you are ready. I got engaged because I said that I was not moving with him unless I had a ring on my finger so my situation was different haha. xo
We dated for 5 months and were engaged for 7 months. We were married within a year of being together. Kinda crazy, but it just worked for us. Don't stress about the relationship...if y'all know what works for y'all, then that's perfect. Praying for y'all!!
I just found your blog through Mrs. Robinson, and I couldn't help but throw in my 2-cents, even if I am almost a week late to the party! My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years now. It's funny, because we've done everything "wrong" in our relationship according to the "experts". We are hoping to be engaged in another year or two... I really haven't made a decision about the engagement, because I've already started planning! I'm kinda a crazy type-A person who needs to be ready for EVERYTHING. Besides that, it seems like whether your engagement is 3 months, or 3 years, all of the work comes down to the last 30 days. So if I had to be pressured, I would say I want a 6 month engagement. Any longer, and I'd probably bump up the wedding day, just to have it over with.
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